The Proper Use of the Mind

A Common Occurrence:

Its the middle of the night. I'm standing on the front steps of my house, in a cul-de-sac with a suburban, residential feeling. Imagine, its lightly snowing, crystal flakes swirling in the light of a street-lamp. It's cold. I'm wearing sandals, smoking a cigarette. I'm setting the scene, so you can properly understand where i'm coming from, so you might possibly relate, to this utter ridiculousness that manifests in my life.

I'm taking a break, from fixating on the guitar. I appear to be heavily invested in the identity of 'musician'. Its got quite a lot of baggage. IF ONLY i could write one good song, IF ONLY i finger that arpeggio correctly, IF ONLY inspired words would flow, then i will be reach, i will have a hot girlfriend, and my teeth will magickally repair themselves, and most importantly, i will be happy and contented forevermore.

I mentally spin, toss and turn, coming up with new and interesting ideas: things i want to try, research to undertake. By the end of that flaming stub, i have worked my way forward to Carnegie Hall and limousines (although more like funky paint-spattered warehouses and Greyhound busses. I am somewhat pragmatic,) and i am contented, not to mention fatigued from having played out 3 years in 8 minutes, and i proceed upstairs, to space out on the internet for another 2 1/2 hours. This is 100% true, and occurs every single day of my life, often done at the expense of food, sleep, water, and bathing. And still, AND STILL, i question why i would want to quiet my mind?

In my observations, THINKING ABOUT working hard does not hard work make, nor have i ever sat down and wrote an inspired song, as a result of THINKING about wanting to write a good song.

It has come to my attention, that this is not the correct use of the mind. The mind can be incredibly adept at finding patterns in data, in getting clear on matters of personal taste. It can be incredibly useful at making To Do lists, although it seems to be lacking in actually getting those lists done.

If you want to access yr spirit, to draw down the Cosmic Consciousness, one must work at integrating the other bodies; the physical, emotional, and intuitive spheres. Seeing as how they do not teach these skills in Universities, nor is there a universal path common to all, the answer will be slightly different for everybody.

These are some of the problems i'm mulling over. My traditional habits and responses are not working. I am lying to and deluding myself, and i am sick of it. I am attempting to find another way.

One method is to analyze thoughts, and see which ones seem to produce an emotional or a physical reaction; a headache, tears in the eyes. An idea that will make me leap from my bed, in the middle of the night.

Another avenue is simply setting aside time and space to let things happen, to allow the spirit to descend into physicality, and see what happens. EVERY SINGLE TIME i sit down to write or play, i am full of apprehension, not knowing what will happen. As i sit down, to type this out at night, with the knowledge that eyes other than my own will see this, i am full of doubt and second thoughts. AND YET, there is no chance for inspiration, nor of improving my life or anyone else's, without actually TRYING. Surpassing the safety net, and doing something REAL.

One more thought is to set aside time to access these other spheres of being, time for doing something other than THINKING. I'm a fan of long walks, personally. The repetitious motion lulls and soothes me, and ideas that come FROM SOMEWHERE BEYOND MYSELF, spring fully formed in my cerebellum. Lemme tell you this: most of my best ideas do not come from me. Its like i pluck them from thin air, and then my 'Self' wants to take credit for being so adept at conjuring, and the mind scrambles for ways to repeat the experiment. What i would like, is to be a finger, pointing at the moon; to be full of subtle, drooling appreciation that this air from which to conjure exists, at all.

One answer, to another of the umbrella questions, which i will consider at length, further along (and hopefully for the rest of my life) is Why Should I Care? Some, more high-minded than myself, scoff at this question, and my apparent banality. But if i am being asked to sacrifice my self-hood, my entire experience and history, every fond dream and wish, there better be a darn good incentive to do so! But if it is true, that there is a sphere that all the great ideas and stories spring from, i will kneel before that altar. I will spread my guts on its mysteries.